Once at least, I know the radio was my enemy. A daily torture of dedications and love songs played over and over for the lucky ones. Bewilderment over my four leaf clover’s power having failed consumed me.
Feeling indifferent about the Lovers’ Holiday, Chocolates and Ruby Red Roses was mere to the influx of longing and lack I felt when seeing lovers kiss.
Aching inside for the touch of his strong hands, beautiful scent and prickly feeling of stubble on my cheek if only for a moment more, was now a whirlwind of delusions leading me to self-torment isle.
In dubious I was with the evidence that filled the waste basket holding my pain and tears, that it was as a resemblance of my life now, a waste and of no value.
But now…your warm breath on my neck, our legs tangled together, my name whispered through your lips, your smile reflective of the glow of my deep pure joy, it’s as if there’s never been any other moment but this time-stopping, heart-throbbing one.
All the sadness and wasted time is forgotten. I can’t remember anything but this love that is pure beauty.
Girlfriend, this post is emotionally telling the deepest levels of joy and pain our heart experiences in romantic love.
Love forever so as never to have to remember…
Expectations in Love
In love and life, expectations, unless expectations of self, will usually lead to disappointment. Even self expectations can lead to disappointment but the feelings aren’t nearly as harmful to our spirit as the feelings of when our expectations of others don’t pan out. So why expect if chances are it’s only going to lead to a let down, a feeling of rejection that crushes the spirit? It’s always an awful feeling and a hard to accept blow when people don’t perform as we desire. That’s a good choice of word to describe it, “perform.” Isn’t that what we’re wanting them to do? As if their behaviors could be controlled as a puppet’s.
Expectations of others in this world are human nature. It’s almost impossible to not expect specific actions of others. Depending on the expected action, these expectations are quite ordinary and don’t usually result in a feeling of rejection. For instance, expecting people to honor their obligations and words they proclaim or if they have a habit of doing something regularly. In those cases, why shouldn’t we expect? A good question is, why do we take it so personally, get so annoyed, hurt and feel so used and abused when our expectations aren’t fulfilled?
How far do you allow someone else’s lack of action bring you down?
Don’t allow failed expectations to bring you down.
I’ve had some huge, hard to get past, disappointments from friends, family and boyfriends. I can clearly state the ones right now that stand out in my mind. But I won’t since it won’t change the past and I’ve forgiven and have since recognized my role in being so hurt. I learned that dwelling on it wouldn’t change the outcome. My constant dwelling on being a victim to their action was only further inflicting me with ill emotions. Those emotions prevented me from moving forward and creating more abundance in my life.
The key is to realize that no matter how wrong we feel their actions or lack of actions were, we can either A, end the relationship or B, try to understand their why, know that they are only human and forgive or C, know your worth, not take it so personal and stay in peace about it.
Obviously, depending on the the let down, who and what, will determine how to respond. In all cases, the sooner all is forgiven and forgotten and we can let go of the negative emotions, the better off we will be, whether it’s just letting go of the hurt or letting go of the hurt and the relationship. It helps too if we’re currently living an “I’m on top of the world” attitude. This type of attitude is easily achieved when we truly know the value of each day and are content with ourselves and the greater plan that simply just can’t be interrupted by petty insecurities that our evil EGO inflicts on us and does a great job at beating us down.
When to let go.
Knowing when to let go when it comes to a love interest is at the center of this post.
Girlfriend, have you been deep in a relationship that is one sided where you’re always the giver and your partner the taker? You’re giving of your precious time, affection, thoughtful gestures, common courtesy etc. and your partner can’t seem to give you a break? Maybe you have been in these shoes or not to this extreme but the message is received, right? It’s okay to be and do all these acts of love but you mustn’t feel let down if you’re expecting certain behaviors because of all you’ve done or are doing. Expecting from someone who clearly can’t or won’t reciprocate is a blatant act of self inflicted blows to your self esteem.
This type of expecting requires some serious reflection and presentness about the why behind your continued acceptance of being let down and worse the emotions and feelings that cause you to suffer each time.
I know because so was the story in ALL my early relationships and even into my early 30’s. I expected these knuckleheads who weren’t mature enough, loyal, vested, or with conscience to perform in all of the ways I deserved. I wasn’t expecting royal treatment or anything unrealistic. I expected phone calls when he wasn’t going to be home at the usual time after work, help with a flat tire, loyalty, encouragement, appreciation of the things I went out of my way to do for him, to not cheat on me, etc. These being just some of the highlights where my expectations went array.
I wasn’t receiving the reciprocation of love that I deserved but because I loved there was always a reason to forgive, forget and continue on until the next disappointment. Sound familiar?
This acceptance of chronic, expectation/disappointment is toxic to one’s self worth. Another woman reading this who is receiving all of these normal expected behaviors surely can’t relate to my past acceptance/disappointment debauchery I dealt with for years. So what makes some tolerate and others give a partner the boot at the second sign of failed expectations?
I can speak on both cases since I’ve been in both shoes. In both cases it comes down to self love and inner contentment. The chronic acceptance is simple really. She starts out with what she thinks is self worth but then, unknowingly, what self worth she does have it begins to diminish little by little. She continues to stay because she rationalizes that she loves this person so much, that that particular disappointment really wasn’t that bad. She’s already gotten over the last incident. This forgiveness, time and time again becomes hard to understand. Why not just realize the one you love so much isn’t capable of the reciprocation you desire and deserve and move on? It’s as though she needs this person to finally treat her right in order to bring her back to her valuable self. A conquering of the love defeat she’s been experiencing by the one she gave so much to. Another factor is not wanting to go back to being single as if it’s a horrible condition. What’s so important, she doesn’t realize the time she’s wasting with Mr. not right is keeping her from Mr. Right. Being alone isn’t a bad thing. The key to enjoying being single is to really, REALLY love and enjoy the things that you do daily and who you are inside. Once you are loving you and all you do, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to pick and choose. Choose only who will fit into and bring more pleasure to your already fulfilled life. The person you finally choose will have been carefully selected and even more beautiful in more ways than you could ever dream.
Never settle for chronic disappointments!
The Girl who doesn’t tolerate disappointment after disappointment knows clearly what she wants and deserves and will settle for nothing less. Sometimes it’s easy to walk away and not look back. Sometimes it’s a difficult choice combined with action that takes courage (even for the most confident girl) and strength but self love must win to have what she truly desires.
Girlfriend for many of us this takes courage and big self-love., tough love. If you’re reading this and feel or know it’s time for you to let go and walk away, God can carry you through it.
The desires he’s put in your heart, he wants to fulfill. With the promise he’ll give you the courage, strength and finally the beauty of the promise fulfilled. Don’t hold on to little out of lack. Hold out in expectancy of God’s promises.
Pray, ask, pay attention to your thoughts, daily, even moment by moment and keep them focused on you and what you deserve in the long run not merely for sporadic moments of instant gratification.
It all comes down to a quality of life. Expect of yourself to create the quality one you desire and deserve, lean on God in expectancy of His promises to you, you only have one.
Final word on expectations.
Please don’t do things for people with the expectation of a relationship in return. You won’t be rewarded with true love. Instead, do some pretty awesome things for yourself as well as others out of love, pure love. In that way your heart and mind are open, intent and focused on love. Living life from a place of love just so happens to return unexpected miracles.
Guaranteed living from a place of love, you’ll feel at peace and joyful . That’s a combo for attracting some pretty great candidates.
NOTE: Not one of which is going to ride up on a white horse. No relationship is perfect but you can expect respect, honesty, loyalty, joy, compassion and unconditional love.
Choose the qualities you must have and realize the faults you can’t accept. Love consciously and unconditionally to yourself first. (Not selfishly)
BIPPITY BOPPITY BOO! Your fairy tale come true.
JUST LIKE THAT! “The search for True Love begins in the mirror.”
Happy Holidays! REALLY?
During the holidays there are so many expectations.
Yeah, yeah…so I’ve heard, if I don’t expect I won’t get let down.
During the holidays you don’t have to have expectations, they’re already implied. This time of year is so focused everywhere you look, about spending time with loved ones and the giving and receiving of gifts.
How bout when you’re in love and your lover let’s you down in during this time of year.
For so many years I was truly disappointed and hurt at this time of year. It sucked in a major way. This time of year truly shed a SPOT light on my already bad relationship.
I remember one time with my son’s father, (I was about 26 my son about 6) he stayed out all night on the night before Christmas Eve.
Already upset, but not wanting to fight on this day, I tip-toed around getting him up so he could help with getting the things in the car so we could get on the road to both families’.
Well….. as he layed on the couch trying to catch up on sleep, I began nudging him to wake up when WTF!?????…..
I saw lipstick on his collar! No more tip-toeing around.
I asked him, “What the hell is this?” (quietly)
( LOL that’s funny) Then he lifted up his body to grab me around the collar of my shirt as he up and socked me in the gut? OMG!
Once I caught my breath and got over the shock, I knew I had to keep my cool.
As I write this memory, it’s almost as horrific to me now as it was then, 20 years ago.
I had to just suck it up for my son! I walked away in
shock. He’d never hit me, ever, out of 10 yrs together!
We got in the car and faked our Happy Holiday.
Okay so that story has so much more to tell but, bottom line, he got someone else pregnant and after six years back and forth, after Amelia was born, I was finally over it!
Here’s another fond memory of a Christmas “love” of mine.
Fast forward, I’m 38 now, he’s the same age, we’re together about 8 months, we’re going to my family’s for Christmas Eve. At that point, he says hadn’t bought me a gift. He says, “Let’s go find something for you now.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, he had money, he had time. What he didn’t have was character. I knew I deserved better, but I wasn’t breaking up with him, I loved him and so it not be more upsetting than it already was, we went and GIRLLLL I wanted my gift! I had bought him so much! This wasn’t the way I knew I deserved to receive a gift from him who loved me, but there we went driving around Beverly Hills in and out of stores to try to find me a $100 gift.
Imagine……on our way to the family’s and going in and out of stores trying to hurry and find myself something from him.
What a joke! Yeah that one didn’t last, but not for my lack
of trying to change him! He left me!
But what I did get from him……. inspiration for my book.
Our experiences make us who we are. And yes we must be proud of who we are. But I’m here to tell you imagine your character if you have/make your life’s experiences filled with positive and happy ones.
Girlfriend, I so admire young girls who are spending their youth in becoming a woman of many character traits and enjoying life.
What was most important to me was “True Love”. I thought I had it, (so many times) just that, no one was perfect, so I put up with ALOT!
Trust me…..it’s not him it’s YOU!
Focus on what else will bring a smile to your face. At this holiday season find someone else to bring joy
to, by the smallest of gifts, being in a helping hand, or donation of time.
Take the focus off of you/him and I promise you’ll be rewarded with deeper feelings of joy that’ll create a happier you. This you anyone will be lucky to have and trust me you’ll have your pick!
Peace in Love
Good morning again,