Expectations in Love
In love and life, expectations, unless expectations of self, will usually lead to disappointment. Even self expectations can lead to disappointment but the feelings aren’t nearly as harmful to our spirit as the feelings of when our expectations of others don’t pan out. So why expect if chances are it’s only going to lead to a let down, a feeling of rejection that can crush the spirit? It’s always an awful feeling and a hard to accept blow when people don’t perform as we desire. That’s a good choice of word to describe it, “perform.” Isn’t that what we’re wanting them to do? As if their behaviors could be controlled as a puppet’s.
Expectations of others in this world are human nature. It’s almost impossible to not expect specific actions of others. Depending on the expected action, these expectations are quite ordinary and don’t usually result in a feeling of rejection. For instance, expecting people to honor their obligations and words they proclaim or if they have a habit of doing something regularly. In those cases, why shouldn’t we expect? A good question is, why do we take it so personally, get so annoyed, hurt and feel so used and abused when our expectations aren’t fulfilled?
How far do you allow someone else’s lack of action bring you down?
Don’t allow failed expectations to bring you down.
I’ve had some huge, hard to get past, disappointments from friends, family and boyfriends. I can clearly state the ones right now that stand out in my mind. But I won’t since it won’t change the past and I’ve forgiven and have since recognized my role in being so hurt. It was difficult for me to do but I knew my dwelling on it wouldn’t change the outcome and only caused me ill emotions that prevented me from focusing on moving forward and creating more abundance in my life.
The key is to realize that no matter how wrong we feel their actions or lack of actions were, we can either A, end the relationship or B, try to understand their side, know that they are only human and forgive.
Obviously, depending on the the let down, who and what, will determine how to respond. In all cases, the sooner all is forgiven and we forget and let go of the negative emotions, the better off we will be, whether it’s just letting go of the hurt or letting go of the hurt and the relationship. It helps too if we’re currently living an “I’m on top of the world” attitude. This type of attitude is easily achieved when we truly know the value of each day and are content with ourselves and the greater plan that simply just can’t be interrupted by petty insecurities that our evil EGO inflicts on us and does a great job at beating us down.
When to let go.
Knowing when to let go when it comes to a love interest is at the center of this post.
Girlfriend, have you been deep in a relationship that is one sided where you’re always the giver and your partner the taker? You’re giving of your precious time, affection, thoughtful gestures, common courtesy etc. and your partner can’t seem to give you a break? Maybe you have been in these shoes or not to this extreme but the message is received, right? It’s okay to be and do all these acts of love but you mustn’t feel let down if you’re expecting certain behaviors because of all you’ve done or are doing. Expecting from someone who clearly can’t or won’t reciprocate is a blatant act of self inflicted blows to your self esteem.
This type of expecting requires some serious reflect and presentness of the why behind your continued acceptance of being let down and worse the emotions and feelings you suffer each time.
I know because so was the story in ALL my early relationships and even into my early 30′s. I expected these knuckleheads who weren’t mature enough, loyal, vested, or with conscience to perform in all of the ways I deserved. I wasn’t expecting royal treatment or anything unrealistic. I expected phone calls when he wasn’t going to be home at the usual time after work, help with a flat tire, loyalty, encouragement, appreciation of the things I went out of my way to do for him, to not cheat on me, etc. These being just some of the highlights where my expectations went array.
I wasn’t receiving the reciprocation of love that I deserved but because I loved there was always a reason to forgive, forget and continue on until the next disappointment. Sound familiar?
This acceptance of chronic, expectation/disappointment is toxic to one’s self worth. Another woman reading this who is receiving all of these normal expected behaviors surely can’t relate to my past acceptance/disappointment debauchery I dealt with for years. So what makes some tolerate and others give a partner the boot at the second sign of failed expectations?
I can speak on both cases since I’ve been in both shoes. In both cases it comes down to self love and inner contentment. The chronic acceptance is simple really. She starts out with what she thinks is self worth but then, unknowingly, what self worth she does have it begins to diminish little by little. She continues to stay because she rationalizes that she loves this person so much, that that particular disappointment really wasn’t that bad. She’s already gotten over the last incident. This forgiveness, time and time again becomes hard to understand. Why not just realize the one you love so much isn’t capable of the reciprocation you desire and deserve and move on? It’s as though she needs this person to finally treat her right in order to bring her back to her valuable self. A conquering of the love defeat she’s been experiencing by the one she gave so much to. Another factor is not wanting to go back to being single as if it’s a horrible condition. What’s so important, she doesn’t realize the time she’s wasting with Mr. not right is keeping her from Mr. Right. Being alone isn’t a bad thing. The key to enjoying being single is to really, REALLY love and enjoy the things that you do daily and who you are inside. Once you are loving you and all you do, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to pick and choose. Choose only who will fit into and bring more pleasure to your already fulfilled life. The person you finally choose will then be carefully selected and even more beautiful in all ways than you could ever dream.
Never settle for chronic disappointments!
The Girl who doesn’t tolerate disappointment after disappointment, who knows clearly what she wants and deserves and will settle for nothing less. Sometimes it’s easy to walk away and not look back. Sometimes it’s a difficult choice combined with action that takes courage (even for the most confident girl) and strength but self love must win to have what she truly desires.
Girlfriend this takes courage and Big self-love. If you are reading this and feel or know it is time for you to let go, God will bring you through it.
He can give you the courage, strength and promise of so much more than you think you love and will miss with the one you are so attached to now.
Pray, ask, pay attention to your thoughts, daily, even moment by moment and keep them focused on you and what you deserve in the long run not for a momentary instant gratification.
It all comes down to a quality of life. Expect of yourself to create the quality one you desire and deserve. You only have one. Am I right Girlfriend?
Final word on expectations. Please do not do things for people with the expectation of a relationship in return. You will not be rewarded with true love. Instead, do some pretty awesome things for yourself. Guaranteed you’ll be better off, feel great inside and ultimately be attracting some pretty great candidates.
NOTE: Not one of which is going to ride up on a white horse. No relationship is perfect but you can expect, respect, honesty, loyalty, joy and compassion.
You only need to choose the qualities you must have and realize the faults you can’t accept. BIPPITY BOPPITY BOO! Your fairy tale come true.
JUST LIKE THAT! You got this!!
If you know of a beautiful girlfriend who could use this post, please share.
~ Peace in Love ~
Tina Soriano, XOOX
“The search for true love begins in the mirror.”