Happy Holidays! REALLY?
During the holidays there are so many expectations.
Yeah, yeah…so I’ve heard, if I don’t expect I won’t get let down.
During the holidays you don’t have to have expectations, they’re already implied. This time of year is so focused everywhere you look, about spending time with loved ones and the giving and receiving of gifts.
How bout when you’re in love and your lover let’s you down in during this time of year.
For so many years I was truly disappointed and hurt at this time of year. It sucked in a major way. This time of year truly shed a SPOT light on my already bad relationship.
I remember one time with my son’s father, (I was about 26 my son about 6) he stayed out all night on the night before Christmas Eve.
Already upset, but not wanting to fight on this day, I tip-toed around getting him up so he could help with getting the things in the car so we could get on the road to both families’.
Well….. as he layed on the couch trying to catch up on sleep, I began nudging him to wake up when WTF!?????…..
I saw lipstick on his collar! No more tip-toeing around.
I asked him, “What the hell is this?” (quietly)
( LOL that’s funny) Then he lifted up his body to grab me around the collar of my shirt as he up and socked me in the gut? OMG!
Once I caught my breath and got over the shock, I knew I had to keep my cool.
As I write this memory, it’s almost as horrific to me now as it was then, 20 years ago.
I had to just suck it up for my son! I walked away in
shock. He’d never hit me, ever, out of 10 yrs together!
We got in the car and faked our Happy Holiday.
Okay so that story has so much more to tell but, bottom line, he got someone else pregnant and after six years back and forth, after Amelia was born, I was finally over it!
Here’s another fond memory of a Christmas “love” of mine.
Fast forward, I’m 38 now, he’s the same age, we’re together about 8 months, we’re going to my family’s for Christmas Eve. At that point, he says hadn’t bought me a gift. He says, “Let’s go find something for you now.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, he had money, he had time. What he didn’t have was character. I knew I deserved better, but I wasn’t breaking up with him, I loved him and so it not be more upsetting than it already was, we went and GIRLLLL I wanted my gift! I had bought him so much! This wasn’t the way I knew I deserved to receive a gift from him who loved me, but there we went driving around Beverly Hills in and out of stores to try to find me a $100 gift.
Imagine……on our way to the family’s and going in and out of stores trying to hurry and find myself something from him.
What a joke! Yeah that one didn’t last, but not for my lack
of trying to change him! He left me!
But what I did get from him……. inspiration for my book.
Our experiences make us who we are. And yes we must be proud of who we are. But I’m here to tell you imagine your character if you have/make your life’s experiences filled with positive and happy ones.
Girlfriend, I so admire young girls who are spending their youth in becoming a woman of many character traits and enjoying life.
What was most important to me was “True Love”. I thought I had it, (so many times) just that, no one was perfect, so I put up with ALOT!
Trust me…..it’s not him it’s YOU!
Focus on what else will bring a smile to your face. At this holiday season find someone else to bring joy
to, by the smallest of gifts, being in a helping hand, or donation of time.
Take the focus off of you/him and I promise you’ll be rewarded with deeper feelings of joy that’ll create a happier you. This you anyone will be lucky to have and trust me you’ll have your pick!
Peace in Love
Good morning again,
Today I feel…….Content
Today I remember being consumed daily with the heartache and loneliness that was a result of my having chosen to love someone else more than myself. I accepted bad days in the name of love. “He” was who I wanted deep in the core of my being. I had already loved him so much and enjoyed many “good times” that I couldn’t bare the thought of not having him in my life. Consequently, the only option was to get him to understand how his actions or lack of action must change. Then and only then could we continue to be happy together.
Today I wonder why with all of the many choices there are in life I could have made to create joy in each day, why did I spend so many days filled with sorrow. Now, I have so many desires I want to fulfill, however small or insignificant they may be, my only problem is not enough hours in the day and will I live long enough to complete them all.
(One is to become a better writer.)
Choice not chance, determines destiny.
I hope you choose to be happy today.