Here I am just an innocent kid who’s life of love was before her.
My Youth
My parents married at 17 and were divorced by 26. I was only 7 and my sister was 9. My father left the state, remarried a woman with 3 young boys seeing us only 1 time a year for the first year or 2. Then the only other contact that I recall was at holidays and birthdays he sent cards or gifts. Our relationship was truly non-existent. As I got old enough he put it on me to communicate now and build this relationship. Eventually he ended up disowning me for expressing my lack of a relationship with my Grandparents. I told him I didn’t really feel I knew them, this conversation was over the phone as we were trying to take turns keeping in contact, I’m now 19. This statement about my grandparents, his parents, set him off. He hung up on me after telling me to take my Christianity and stick it up my ass! LOL I got a letter 2 days later telling me he disowned me and if my sister felt the same as I did to let him know. Years later I reached out to him again. I even went and saw him. Nothing was ever spoken about before just small talk and catching up. He told me how beautiful I was and how proud of me he was. Ultimately he disowned me once again demanding certain methods and amounts of communication between us and seemed a little jealous of my love and relationship with my Father in law. We’ve never spoken again. My mom, after the divorce, she worked two jobs was rarely happy or loving and was on a constant search for her true love. She was searching so much that she was missing out on real love with her own daughters. My sister and I grew up complete opposites and fought terribly. My life pretty much began looking for love but I didn’t even know what love was, truth be told. At the age of 12 I ran away from home. I was so lacking at home I wanted to be out with people who accepted and enjoyed being with me. I was gone for almost 2 years. I was very fortunate to have come home and still be alive. I had a lot of unsupervised time as you can imagine. I had been arrested a couple of times for runaway, shoplifting, drunk in public and lived with 3 different families over those years. I partied a lot and even hitchhiked to underage clubs. I don’t regret those years because I was fortunate to have experienced time with many who showed me, compassion, acceptance, guidance, support and what caring and enjoying others like.
My Teen Years
Once I came home by age 14, let’s just say school wasn’t something I felt was in my best interest. I wanted money! I loved clothes and shoes! I’ve always cared about my appearance. Maybe it was a way of ensuring attention and acceptance. Anyways, continuation school was my ambition. Three hours a day and I’d still graduate and be able to work, that was a beautiful solution. I still very much needed the time and attention of my friends. Partying all the time was what we did. At 15 I had my first love and by 19 we had a son (my truest love.) My best blessing to date! Our relationship didn’t last him not being able to be responsible, having gotten hooked on some serious drugs, losing his job and eventually did some jail time. But… I did marry him after his 3 months of jail time and 1 year sober. I was 23 by then. Unfortunately, our joy didn’t last like it was when he got out of jail. He just wasn’t happy with himself and us. He enjoyed being out in the clubs. I think he was looking to be accepted by others all the time. He had his own childhood issues. Finally, after many many nights of worrying about him and me not being happy, I found out he cheated. Wow! Grounds for divorce. Being Christian, taking my marriage vows very seriously, even though I was unhappy I wouldn’t leave without grounds for divorce. We had even been going to Christian marriage counseling. After counseling was finished and things seemed to be great is when I caught him. I kicked him out and not 2 months later the woman whose shoulder he cried on about being kicked out, not even the woman he cheated with, this one was from his AA meeting, he got her pregnant. Believe it or not I took him back, became a step mom to a beautiful baby girl. (Whom she’s my heart too for so many years now. She became a blessing to me.) I finally lost all desire to try any more in my late 20’s. By early 30’s I finally did the divorce on my own.
Adulthood, you’d think I’d learned!
I had accomplished a lot of things in life. I’d been supporting my son and myself very well. For most of my years when he was growing up I was a very high end/highly paid manicurist but I had more ambitions and took on many more career attempts while working as a manicurist. I was a full time court reporting student for 3+ years. I got my Real Estate license and practiced that for a while. Became a licensed Esthetician, microdermabrasion machine sales rep, sold and taught the Esthetician’s at Frederick Fekkai Salon in New York. Whenever I had a vision, idea, desire, I went for it fearlessly. The one thing I really really wanted I didn’t have a clue about what I needed to do to make it last forever,,,like Keith Sweat sang! I was loving and giving, loyal, honest, etc. but reciprocation for what I knew I deserved never seemed to come to fruition for me. Instead of leaving I accepted and hoped for change, always giving the benefit of the doubt. I spent the next 4 years with a verbally abusive, Jekyll & Hyde guy, a neighbor! When it was good it was really good when it was bad it was really bad. This relationship ended with me in tears too! He went back to his ex!
The credit I give myself during these days of drama in love was my conscious effort to never be unhappy around and or show my son the trials and emotions I went through in my poor relationships. I had some wits about me during my years of ignorance about true love. But…my focus should have been more on my son and I.
My True Love Had Come
I’m 38, working as a mortgage loan originator and he is a fellow agent. We shared office space together day in and out. We became good friends. He was a great father, great friend and was adoring of me. I gave my heart and was overjoyed. He was my best friend, handsome, wise, attentive, loving, giving, caring, smart, easy going and much more. We enjoyed some really great years together. We opened a Real Estate and Mortgage company together. It was great! We were always together enjoying our love and life until it started to unravel. I guess I’d say the crash of the industry began the crash and burn of our relationship. He left the office along with many of the agents to get a job that paid regularly. He had boys in private school. He went back to truck driving was tired and unhappy. Love and life as we knew it was gone. We became like the polar ends of magnets, repelling each other, only not realizing it. Neither of us intended to stop loving the other in the ways we needed but hindsight is only that in our case, what we can look back on and learn from.
Headline… How losing my true love became the worst and best thing that ever happened to me!
When I think about the life I could have had if I hadn’t been so foolish with this one life I was blessed with all in the name of love it pains me. As I said in the beginning, I feel for that girl who only did as best as she could with what she knew at the time. The best thing that happened to me is the complete clarity over my life of lack of love that has lead me to discover, without a doubt the truth about how to have true love in your life in abundance. What people don’t realize are there are some forces against them that dwell within that can create chaos if you aren’t aware of what’s going on. Through my story, my reveal in “True Love’s Truths” you’ll see their dastardly workings and then be able to recognize them in you and you can be sure to avoid being the one who stole your life of love.
If you desire a true love, really desire to be happy in love and life then do yourself a huge favor and learn what took me years and too many tears to learn and save yourself the pain of heartache and begin experiencing the joy of giving and receiving love daily. That’s why I do what I do. I now know how simple it is to have love in abundance and ultimately you will too, it’s only a matter of when.
This love you desire is completely in your control. True love is waiting on you! What are you waiting on?
All of this and more I share in “True Love’s Truths” The fast track guide to finding true love” truly the best part of my story.
Keep in touch, Girlfriend.
Leave me a comment after reading “True Love’s Truths” if I’ve touched your life of love in any way.
PEACE in Love, XO, Tee